Something even better than being certified
Hey everyone,
As I wrote about in my previous post, last week I attended the 2022 Radical Honesty Trainer’s Training in Winterberg, Germany.
You didn’t hear from me this past weekend because I was finishing that up and making the long train journey home.
To make a long story short; I had the opportunity to get certified as a Radical Honesty trainer there, and I didn’t.
The certification process consisted of a 15 minute conversation in which I stated my case - why I should become a Radical Honesty trainer - and then seven senior trainers asked me questions, gave me feedback, and ultimately voted on if I should get certified then and there.
Four trainers voted no; three voted yes. Mostly, I imagine that the people who didn’t vote “yes” for me are the people who did not have (enough) direct experience of me coaching and facilitating this Radical Honesty work.
In other words, they didn’t have a good enough personal relationship with me. And admittedly, I didn’t make the effort to have one with them.
Upon realizing the outcome, which I imagine I could already sense even before the voting took place, I felt shocked, sad, angry and a bit frozen.
I still feel sad and righteous about it, and I still judge the process to be “unfair”.
Maybe that’s a familiar story of mine; I do my best and I’m great and wonderful and if people fail to see me it’s their fault. And the world is unfair.
I imagine my whole system was overwhelmed by the intensity of the week, the group processes, the number of people there and the amount of time we spent together. Not to mention, all the content of the training and the pressure I put on myself (and I imagine others put on me) to show myself at the training - show who I am, let others see what I can do, all while learning and connecting with new and old friends I hadn’t seen in ages.
It was exhausting. Or as we say in Radical Honesty, I was exhausting.
In the days that follow, I have been resting and examining what this process has done within me.
I imagine I already said this and I still feel like the voting/certification process was unfair. I thought that all that matters is if I am good enough to do this work (I feel certain I am and have others on my side who would agree, including Pete and Tuulia of Honesty Europe, and I make that important). I thought if I am ready, I’ll be certified, and that’s it, end of story.
And in the end I learned - life is more about relationships than anything else.
It’s not about the number of workshops I’ve done, my accomplishments, or even my awesomeness. It’s about the people I connect with and the quality of those contacts.
I feel the same frozen expression come over my face that I felt when I sat in the ‘hot seat’ on Saturday - aka the chair of judgement where the certification conversation happened within a big group of senior trainers and peers.
I notice tension in my shoulders, as I imagine I felt then.
I really wanted to be certified as a Radical Honesty trainer, and I wasn’t. Disappointment again.
And yet, there’s a sense of relief after experiencing this whole process. On the other side of that decision, that outcome, I found myself having actual human conversions with people that had been missing from my week prior.
I don’t want to go into more details now.
The thing is this - when I got home I discovered that I had something even better than being certified.
A life to return to, that I’m actually happy to come home to!
A new love to cherish and treasure.
Stefan <3 feels like the missing puzzle piece in a life that is, for once, good enough for me.
And we have some news… which you can read about in my next post!
For now I need to go finish the workday.
What’s alive in you as you read this?
As always, let me know in the comments!
Love,
Chelsea
P.S. Read Stefan’s post: Life Is About Relationships (German)