Happy New Year from this happy(?) new mom!
It’s 8 pm on New Year’s Eve.
And for the first time in what feels like decades, I gave my partner the baby and he’s not crying. The last I checked, they were playing happily together on the couch in the living room. So here I am, sitting in the room next door, alone. I retired here carefully, closing the door behind me. What a huge relief. I could cry, just having a few moments to myself. Finally, a brief respite from the new task (challenge? responsibility? adventure?) that is motherhood. Since becoming a mom nearly twelve weeks ago, I could probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve been alone.
As the year comes to an end, I’m thinking about how I’m going to get any time for myself ever again. About what the future me looks like. About who I am now and who I want to be. Desperate for a few moments of me-time, or really just time to do anything besides staring at his cute wittle face, I’m finding myself getting better at inventing new ways to squeeze it into the day. Stealing an hour (or three) of my sleep last night after my son went to bed to reflect on How do I actually feel right now?! and how life is going in general. Making a voice message to my sister while I nurse and put him to sleep (and not feeling bad about it, he’s comforted by the sound of my voice right?).
Just like that, I became a mom. Every day, I am being a mom. It’s my pride and joy. He is, without a doubt in my mind, the best little man on the planet.
So happy New Year from this mostly happy (and sometimes miserable) new mom. Me.
I think I’m doing pretty well so far at being a mom.
How to continue being Chelsea,
How to continue doing my hobbies (do I even still have any?),
How to continue being a girlfriend, a sister, a friend…
How to write this newsletter again…
I have yet to figure out.
And now, the baby is crying for me again.
Time to go to sleep at 9 pm.
There’s so much more I want to say, but it will have to wait.
So this is mostly just a quick Happy New Year everyone!
I’m still here, just a different version of me.
Wishing you lots of love, and peace,
Chelsea
Hi Chelsea, thankyou for writing this. I forwarded it to one of my sisters who has a 4 month old and experiencing very similar emotions, maybe darker ones than the ones youre expressing. Respect to you for doing the hardest job in the world (though also the most rewarding so they say). May you find your sense of self this year amidst the huge transition of motherhood, I have no doubt you will. xxx
You are a wonderful mother. It takes time to adjust to your new life. Try to enjoy the time. Children grow up so quickly. You do everything perfectly. I see this every time I look into your son's happy and contented eyes